2/11/2024 0 Comments Miller quote darkest dungeon![]() ![]() Carter was working as an editor at American Heritage, a history magazine, writing book reviews. The year before he died, Carter graduated Princeton and moved back to New York into the apartment in Beekman Place that my dad had used as an office, the same apartment my mom would later use as a studio to paint in. But I don't know, maybe all we really shared together was the wall between us. We we lived in rooms next to each other for 18 years. Sometimes when I tell somebody about what happened, they ask, "Were you close?" And I don't really know how to answer that question. I know that's what many people say after someone they love has died by suicide. ![]() If you knew Carter, the idea that he would do this and do this in that way, it was impossible to believe. I wasn't there at the time, but my mom was, and she tried to stop him. ![]() Carter jumped off the balcony of my mother's apartment. I think he probably would have been a writer. From the time he was little, he loved reading and was fascinated by history. He was two years older than me and way smarter. My brother's name was Carter Vanderbilt Cooper. You've probably heard stories about siblings who were so close that when something happened to one of them, the other just felt it instinctively. She kept this calendar by her bed frozen on that day for the last 31 years of her life. That's the day my brother killed himself in front of her. The date on the calendar is July 22nd, 1988. One shows the day, the other the month and then the year. And the words, "love you." There's also this Victorian desk calendar. And inside there's the Easter egg that my brother painted for her when he was a child. On another shelf there's this wooden box. She knew I would be the one going through her things after she died and left me them as a kind of guide, like breadcrumbs to follow through a dark forest. She wrapped them together with a white silk ribbon and tucked a note that she'd written underneath. On one shelf, there's three pairs of my father's eyeglasses. By my mom's bed, there's a wall of shelves and it's filled with books and family photographs and little things that meant a lot to her. ![]()
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